Hey there. Long time no see. Sorry for my absence from the blogosphere (yes I'm gagging too). At first it was because my house turned against me. That took weeks of my life to organize and deal with. However, more recently there have been a few weeks here where I've just been putting off blogging.
I know blogging is very important for any potential success I will ever have as a freelancer, but I still have avoided it. I believe that is self promotion makes me very uncomfortable. It's likely why I've never done well in environments where one has to constantly advocate for one's self in order to move up and get more opportunity. I prefer to have my work speak for itself. The problem is work doesn't generally speak for itself. Even great work. There is too much noise and people don't really pay that much attention to things outside of their sphere. In fact, if you're reading this right now, which is already surprising, I'm willing to bet you didn't even notice that I hadn't blogged in months.
With freelancing, it's even harder and scarier because there is no framework. There are no set benchmarks by which to measure one's self and say "I'm doing well." I see LinkedIn updates every day of past classmates and colleagues getting promoted to fancy titled jobs and it is easy to say "they are doing exceptionally well." For freelancing it's just "how much business do I have? Do the people I have worked with tell their friends about me? Do they leave positive reviews?" It's just a different world. And at least for me, it is a harder one to feel confident in.
The longer I work in any area, the more I realize how little I know about it. There is something called the Dunning-Kruger curve, which posits that there is a dip in your confidence as you learn more about a subject area, in the period before you gain true expertise. Because I'm more of a generalist and don't focus on any one thing enough to become super specialized, I live in that dip. And that dip is where Imposter syndrome thrives.
Whenever I start to say "I know about this thing" or "I can help you with this work" I am fighting a screaming voice in the back of my head that is saying "YOU DON'T KNOW ENOUGH! THEY CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER!" It takes a lot of effort to fight past that.
So why am I writing this blog right now? Why am I trying again despite it feeling uncomfortable and scary and silly? Because I had the pleasure of doing some work recently that I was proud of. It reminded me that I'm not an unknowing fake or an inevitable failure. I am good at the things in which I'm offering assistance. I deeply care about the work I do. I am curious and always want to learn and improve. And I have a way of stepping back and making connections others may not.
I may sometimes feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Or I don't deserve to be asking you to trust me. Or that you could find someone better. But that doesn't mean any of it is true.
So if you need some help with your small business, with a political campaign, with your resume or your reel, with a film or webseries, or any of the other things I have on offer. Please consider taking a chance on me. While it's sometimes hard for me to say: I am worth it.